Took jokes

Yo mama is so ugly, when I took a picture of her, my phone screen cracked.

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

I bought a new camera once. Every shot I took was killer!

There's at least 856 pages of these newest puns. I couldn't finish, because it took me an hour just to get that far. Just saying, that's a lot of jokes!

When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."

Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?

Because they took a day off.

So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.

That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

I left Twitter for a while, and when I tried to log back in, I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter.

Sadly, my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt. Shame on you, Penaldo!

My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.

Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.

I took 7 coins from someone. He even came back from the dead to get them.

Do this on a calculator.

There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.

I found a child on the street homeless, and they were really nice, so I took them home. Then I said, "Who's better, Biden or Trump?" They said they support Trump. They are now dead in my basement and have been for 3 years.

There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.

Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.

Whoever took my dildo,

I hope you're having a good time.

It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!

Yo mama so disgusting that when she took a shower, the water turned into ditchwater.

Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?

It took all his info!

I went to watch Ghost Rider at a cinema in Paris. As I took a seat, I saw none other than Pessi sat at the front row with a pen and notebook. I asked him what he’s was doing at the cinema since there was a big game coming up. He replied, “I’m taking notes from the best.”

And vanished.