They jokes
I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.
How do mountains see? They peek.
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.
Why were the people in 911 devastated?
They ordered extra flavored pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
I tried making an orphan baseball team. It sucked because they couldn’t find home plate.
Who read the most words?
911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.
You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?
Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.
Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"
"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."
"What else, Watson?"
"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What Else, Watson?"
"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"
"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"
Why do people say "cheese" in a camera?
Because they were using the computer.
Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."
Emos are dark people....
...So why are they all white?
Goths are even darker...
SO WHY ARE THEY WHITER!?
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
Why do orphans play Minecraft? So they can at least build a home.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
Why were the Twin Towers so mad?
They ordered pepperoni, but they got plain.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they can't go to home base. 😈