Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
What do depressed people do when they’re bored?
They “Hang” Out.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they are all crying in a dark corner.
Why can't an orphan make a home run in baseball?
Because they have no home to go to.
Why are bald people very easily manipulated by a shower?
Because when they take a bath, they get brainwashed!
Why do orphans love chips? They love the family-sized ones, too!
Why can't orphans play soccer?
They can't kick.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they won't know where home plate is.
Why can't the orphan play baseball? Because they can't find home.
What are the similarities between the twin towers and my ex?
They both went down on my dad.
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
They are like pepperoni and cheese as a plane.
Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"
Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?
My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”
Why is England bad at chess?
'Cause they lost their queen.
What do school shooting jokes and school shooting victims have in common? They never get old.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.
WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.
What do kids have in comments? They have parents, right?
