Thereness jokes
Once I said to an orphan, "What the 'F' means in 'orphan'?"
He replied, "There's no 'F'."
Me: "There's no family."
Why do orphans have water with cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
You're so retarded, if there was a clone of you that was supposed to be smart, it would still be retarded.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Momma?
Momma who?
Big Momma!
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
Even if there were no gravity, I would still fall for you...
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home.
They got in the car, and his mother asked, "Johnny, what did you do this time?" So Johnny pulled his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home, his dad was off work and heard that Johnny was coming home early from school. Once again he asked Johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised, so his dad pulled down his pants and said, "Big whale, big whale."
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I did app.
I did app who?
You did a poo.
Q: If there were two moo cows walking down the street, where would they be going?
A: Home to see their mama!
This isn't a joke, I repeat, this is not a joke. The plane in Lake Harriet is not in the lake. It is invisible because of the satellite pic, so there's no plane in Lake Harriet.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
Because they actually have a father there.
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because there is nobody to call "daddy."
I love to smell skunks, but I lick their stinky butt. It's delicious. My breath smells like fart.
A teenage guy is taking a girl to a dance. First, he goes to buy her flowers, but there’s a really long line at the florist. Finally, he buys them.
Then, he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a really long line for that, too. After a few hours, he gets the tux.
That night, he picks up the girl and they go to the school for the dance. There’s a long line to get in that goes halfway around the school. A while later, they finally get in. They dance and talk for a while, then the guy gets thirsty, so he goes over to the table to get punch. There is no punch line.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Really, there is an answer, and he never made it across, so...
There's a plane crash. Every single person died.
Who lived? The married people!
You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?
All of them are married!