The jokes
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What did the neutrino say to the planet?
"Just passing through."
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.
Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it wanted to be Argon.
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
How to make holy water:
1. Grab a pot.
2. Put water in it.
3. Set the stove to 420 degrees.
4. Boil the hell out of it.
Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.
Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.
The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...
What did the poop say to the toilet paper? “You’re on a roll!”
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? Rearranged the furniture.
Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting?
It only takes 1 nail to hang a painting!
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
It didn’t, it ran because it was running from KFC.
Why can't a Chinese kid play baseball?
They ate the bat!
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.