The jokes
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was flaming hot wings.
Yo Mama is so stupid, she thought the football team Rams were actually the animal rams.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.
What is the difference between a knife and a feminist?
A knife has a point.
American people: We will throw your teabags in the ocean!
British: At least our towers didn’t fall. 😎
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion?
There was nothing left but de-brie.
Why did the cheese fail the test? It couldn't make the grade, curd.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.
What is Michael Jackson's chemical? The HE-HE-lium.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.