The jokes

So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

My dad starts laughing at me.

Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

Me: “Why dad?”

Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”

Yo mama so UGLY... at the strip club... people pay her... to keep her clothes ON!!!

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You can hang the picture with one nail.

We used to be the tallest buildings in New York...

Then we took an Arab to the knee.

What’s the difference between a bank vault and you aunt's anus?

The owner of bank vaults don’t force you to penetrate it.

My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!

What did the toilet say to the other toilet?

"You look flushed."

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite, and if they do, hit them with a shoe till they're all black and blue!

An orphan walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Buddy, you have to go home." The orphan replies, "Where is home?"

What do you call a guy who has sex on the Moon?

An “Astronut”!

When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).

What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?

You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

Why did Steven Hawking die?

His wife changed the WiFi password.

Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.

Kid: Ok.

*Bring kid to the orphanage*.

Kobe missed a lot of shots, but he sure didn’t miss the mountain.

Your mouth looks like it came from the commercials.

What's a word that starts with "m" and ends in "airage" and all men like it?

Miscarriage. The joke never gets old just like the baby.

Why can Chinese people play baseball?

Because they ate the bat.

VOTING SEMIFINAL 1

LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”.

Vote for the better joke.

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.