The jokes
The snack that smiles back: Ball sack.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?
One of them actually came back.
What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?
One is used.
What’s the difference between cotton and an orphan?
One gets picked.
What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
Memes
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?
The apples actually get picked.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.
Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
What dinosaur loves music?
The velociRAPtor!
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Get in the van, or I'll kill you.
Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?
Because it was on strike.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says...
"Why the long face?"