The jokes
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
Being the first to move in chess.
It’s a white privilege.
What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid?
Reality.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
It was women driving the planes for 9/11.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
What do the initials CIA stand for?
Central Intelligence of A**holes.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
What is the difference between white people and coal?
It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
What do the initials FBI stand for?
Federal Bureau of Idiots.