The jokes

I wondered as the rock in the sky got bigger and bigger, then it hit the bottom of the Earth, and... "explosion!"

He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Why was the sea sad? Because it was blue.

I said "Uranus!" and the girl beside me face-palmed. I wonder what I did wrong?

How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?

Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.

I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

Think about you are so fucking high that you are walking to a lift and inside the lift are stairs. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.

I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.

Look - it's the lake of whiz!!!

A kid is trick-or-treating. He knocks on a door. Then someone opens the door and the kid said, "HI, I'M THE WICKED WIENER!"

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.

Why did the bee get into trouble?

Because he wasn't beehiving very well!

Fence 1 was thinking and Fence 2 said, "Are you still on the fence about running away?"

Fence 1 said, "Yeah, I was thinking of running on the RAILROAD."

Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-

When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.

When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?

Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.

What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.

I recently got kicked out of a casino because I apparently misunderstood what the craps table was for.

You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.