The jokes
What a skeleton baked for the other skeleton.
A pa_pıe_rus.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Nobody finds that one funny.
Why did the fridge have lots of friends?
Cause it was COOL.
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
Memes
How many fingers does the Dragonborn have?
Four fingers and a Thu'um.
I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.
Why are orphans rude at school?
What's the school going to do? Call their parents?
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell, “Jesus Christ.”
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
Why is the mermaid so dirty?
Because she is a maid, mer-maid!
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
Joke: Genders are much like the twin towers. They used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
What did the angry cow say to its enemy?
"We have beef!"
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.