The jokes
Your mama's so fat, when she went to the movies, she sat next to everyone.
Why did the people in 9/11 not call 911? Because it would call the pilots.
What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
In my locality, there was an orphanage but everybody in the locality was really sexist too, so they had to change the orphanage into a brothel 'cause everybody took the boys away and nobody was taking the girls and the manager didn't want to waste any 14-year-old pussy, did he?
What’s the difference between school and prison? One is painted.
A man is walking into the woods with a young boy.
Boy: “Hey mister, it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.”
Man: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red Ferrari?
I don't have the Ferrari.
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large.
What did the chef say to the skeleton?
"Bone appetit!"
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-tea.
The winds of Uranus go on and off, so you could say the wind is broken.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find his family. Sorry!
Orphan jokes protest. Anonymous.
Orphan jokes are just funny so stop trying to ruin our fun!
Comments:
Gwen: Stop! It is not funny. Orphans are just out their cold, weak, and need someone! And the jokes are not funny!
Shut up: Shut up!
Liv: Gwen stop!!
Gwen: SHUT UP BITCH!!!!!!!!!
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"