The jokes
What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?
They both came from behind and crushed them.
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.
After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.
What does the Cow say to the spy?
"Are you udder cover?"
Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor
Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
What did the bird say to the other bird?
Nothing, because birds can't talk.
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat."
Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon."
Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"
One of the students: "Homework!"
So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.
So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”
The principal's office smells nice.
What's the difference between a suicide bomber and puberty?
Puberty waits for the blow up.
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
What did the cow say to the fat pig?
Moooooooove over!
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
When the school lets you near children again...
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."