The jokes

Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.

What's the difference between women and men?

Men have rights.

What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?

You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.

Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

What did the cow say to the leather chair?

“Hi Mom!”

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.

Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."

Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"

What's the LGBTQ+'s favorite cereal?

Fruity Pebbles.

Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.

But you gotta eat it!

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I've never had a lentil on my face.

Two terrorists walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."

The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"

Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."

How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?

He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.

Bill Clinton is no longer playing the saxophone.

He is now playing the whore-monica.

Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?

Nemo goes back to his father.

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."

Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?

It's the only way they’ll get love.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?

Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

What did the man say to the deaf kid? He said...