The jokes

My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

My dad died in 9/11.

But he was the pilot.

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.

I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just vibing. He was telling every guy that walked by if his dick was bigger than theirs, they have to give him 50 bucks.

Long story short, I walked away with 100 bucks that day.

Friend 1: I don't want to jump.

Friend 2: Me neither.

Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.

Friend 1: *jumps*

Friend 2: *jumps*

Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!

Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.

So Americans strongly worship Donald Trump, eh? Well, let's put that claim to the test by throwing him into the general population of Rikers Island.

Have you heard about the pedophile who was guilty of robbery?

He took a girl's innocence.

I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.

What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?

"Can you show me what rape is?"

What did the plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me! 😂

Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.

I am only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know why.

New horror movie idea.

The main character loves anime. The killer yells "Omae wa mou shindeiru." The main character instinctively yells back "NANI???" and is killed.

Q: Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?

A: Everywhere.

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

He wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.

What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?

"That hit the spot?"

Yo mama is so ugly, when there was a tornado, the tornado refused to suck her up.

Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"