The jokes
Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.
The Lego broke in half.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"
The tree ghosted her.
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his mother in the jaw
Why do orphans have water with cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.
He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.
Why can't depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.
What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What game do emo kids love the most? Hangman.
9/11 and Jenga are the same.
It's a controlled demolition.
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?