The jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t climb up the stairs to heaven.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
What's the favorite Spiderman film for orphans?
Homecoming.
The trip from your eyebrow to your hairline costs $6000.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣
The S in America stands for safe.
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?
They had better reflexes than the trading center.
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.
We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"
Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
What was the orphan's name?
Jake! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂😂
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."