The jokes

Who did the cow want to hang with?

The udders.

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?

Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.

Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.

Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.

What did the cow say?

Moo!

I'm actually against abortion.

Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!

I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

Because they bought a pepperoni pizza, but they got plane.

When was the biggest BBQ in history? Hiroshima, August 6, 1945.

Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.

Yo mama is so fat, they had to flood the Super Bowl to give her a bath.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a leaf? Only one falls down the family tree.

Why were the Twin Towers disappointed?

They asked for a pepperoni pizza and all they got was a plane.

What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?

Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.

An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"

And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"

"Why?" says the bully.

"Because you haven't got a tower."

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.

A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.

Sodomising a physically challenged homophobic heterosexual white male is better than the smallest act of kindness.