The jokes

Kenny's favorite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.

Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”

The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”

He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

Why were the Twin Towers upset? They ordered Domino's but got jets.

When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"

A block of gold walked into a bar. The bartender said, “AU, get out!”

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.

And your IQ is 5.

Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?

Friend 2: Pizza.

Friend 3: Donuts.

Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.

Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)

Friend 2: (Calling the parents)

What's the best thing about a blowjob?

- The silence.

What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?

I don't have $1 million in my wallet.

Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"

Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."

A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a confession." The doctor asks, "What is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis." The doctor looks at her and asks, "Anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies, "No, just a penis."

I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?

Just trying to fit in.

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?

I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

What's the difference between an onion and a baby?

One makes you cry when you cut it up.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.