The jokes

What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.

There is a feminist group in my town.

It is called Gal-Qaeda.

(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)

Why did the bee buzz off?

Because he had to bee somewhere.

What is the difference between a nerd and leafyishere?

One is fun to laugh at, bully, and roast, and the other is just a nerd.

It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

"What are my choices?" the passenger said.

"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.

What song genre do the national anthems fit into?

Country.

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?

I moustache you a question.

Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)

Why does a queen have more mobility than the king in chess?

Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.

Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight

What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?

My dick!

How do you know your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

Why was 10 traumatized?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.

Now we wait...

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."

"What's been going on, John?" I asked.

"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.

The dirty bastard!

What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.

The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.

The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.

A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.

The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.