The jokes
What bumps up and down at 100km an hour?
A baby tied to the back of a speeding truck.
My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.
Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.
He also forgot to pay the power bill.
If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage...
Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!
Imperial Pilot: What do you think about the new Tie fighter?
Palpatine: Flew it.
The only hood I like is pointy and white.
That's why I can't trust people when I don't see their face at night.
Why did the duck cross over the cave? Because he wasn't a chicken.
IDK, sorry...
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
If Stephen Hawking is ill, does he go to the doctors or Currys PC World?
Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.
The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"
The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."
Why were parts of the Soviet Union that had more industry than agriculture occupied during WW2?
They couldn't beet the Nazis.
Why didn't the bitch ass skeleton fly?
'Cause me mum flew all the way and Trevor is a boofahead.
A french fry was talking to a potato, but the potato didn't understand what he was saying.
It was because he didn't speak French.
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.
The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.