The jokes
Why was the math book sad at the rapper?
Because it knew it couldn't count on his bars.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to drop some HOT PLATES.
Why did the rapper become a pilot?
Because he wanted to take his flow to new heights!
Why was the rapper always in good shape?
Because he dropped the mic and picked up weights!
What did the rapper say at the bakery?
"I need ALL the dough you got!"
How do you know a rapper is ready to cook?
He drops the beet.
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
I don't laugh at Trump.
I was taught to NEVER make fun of the mentally handicapped.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?
A. The Jello has a higher IQ.
Why did the rapper become a beekeeper?
Because he wanted to make some HONEY FLOWS.
Why was the rapper always happy?
Because he lived life in rhyme.
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
Why did the rapper visit the bank?
To get his RHYME CHECK.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.
Everyone when we're in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: "Happy birthday to you..., Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear
Me in the background: Happy deathday to you..., Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!"
I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.
Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.
Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*
Dad: Babe, we need to talk.
Mom: Okay......
Dad: He's grounded.
Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.
Son: Am I getting a new daddy?
Mom: Soon honey, soon....
Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.