The jokes

Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.

Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.

I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.

Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.

Why did the girl never go upstairs?

Because she had no legs.

Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up......

Human: :D

Sun: I want to BuRn you.........

Human: .......

Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you.....

Human: I should be going now.

Sun: LET ME KILL YOU!

Human: *Screams his last sound*

What did the left butt cheek say to the right?

"Trump 2020."

A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.

These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz."

A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."

The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"

The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."

The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"

She says, "Vinegar and water."

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"

The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."

The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"

The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."

The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."

Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.

A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.

In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”

In a bowl of golden delight, I savored each bite so bright, The potato salad, oh so fine, Left me feeling oh so divine.

The diced potatoes, oh so neat, In a dressing so cool and sweet, With onions and eggs, a treat, My taste buds did dance and greet.

The mayonnaise, a creamy dream, With mustard's zesty scheme, Together they did blend so well, My senses did take a spell.

The herbs, a fragrant delight, Added flavor with their might, Parsley and dill, a perfect pair, In this salad beyond compare.

So here's to the potato salad, A culinary work of art, That left me full and satisfied, And in my heart, a special part.

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

Yo momma is so ugly, when she tried to join the ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"

Why did the chicken ride across town? Because he was being taken to Tyson.

What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?

Nothing.

Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.

The joke is this website.

Joker: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

Person: Because he felt it in his bones?

Joker: He read the weather forecast, you f*cking idiot.

How did the skeleton know it was about to rain?

"Because he felt it in his bones?"

No,

He read the weather app, you idiot.

This is the biggest joke ever - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5j-BH_WdBXdzeoOdG2v2dA

Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.

Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.

Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.

What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?

Putting the diaper back on.