The jokes
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
Why were there two boys on the bay?
Because they were gay!
You're the type of guy to have a whole training arc after a girl wants to fight you.
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
Memes
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
Tongue Trick Sex: The Movie.
Not coming soon!
I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.
Walk into the club like, "Wow, I got a big penis!"
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)
What's fun to search for in investigation?
The Milky Way!
Why does the orphan not buy milk?
That's what their parents are doing.
What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
Why does an orphan always try to escape the orphanage?
Because he wants to get money to buy a family since they won't buy him.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
Why couldn't the GREAT WHITE beat the HAMMERHEAD?
because the GREAT WHITE kept getting BONKED on the HEAD by the HAMMERHEAD!