The jokes

Woman

What's the same with a controller and a woman?

They both work if you hit them.

Day

Sell PC.

Go to Croatia.

Try to fly to the US to meet female.

US won't let me in.

End up in Norway.

Female leaves me.

Female gets arrested by feds.

Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.

Just another day in the defib life.

Mama

Yo mama so fat when she laid on a water bed, she laid on the whole Pacific Ocean.

Hairline

Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.

Paedophile

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

Swing

Sally fell off the swing.

Sally has no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

Desert

Why will we never get hungry in the desert?

We have lots of sand-which's.

Woman

What's the difference between a plane and a woman?

At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.

Barbie

Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?

A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"

Man

A man takes a boy into the woods.

Boy says:

"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."

The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"

Atom

Hey, you wanna hear something funny?

An atom makes up everything. Half of this site contains this joke. Don't trust the internet, kids.

Poodle

"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.

"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"

Inmate

The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.

A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.

Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...