The jokes
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
Memes
I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.
But the punch line is too long.
Why were the rappers late for their flight?
They forgot to pack.
What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?
The word "art."
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?
He can’t walkie or talkie.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?
The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.
The gay couple was still packing their shit.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.
Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.
You know Africans don’t get seconds.