The jokes
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
Not many people know this, but Soulja Boy was the lead role in a very successful children's movie a while ago. Released to theaters nationwide in 2006 was Honey, I Crunked the Kids.
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Memes
What do you call a chair with a hat?
I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?
Everywhere.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
He got hit!
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
What comes next in the pattern: ottffs?
What did the hat say to the tie?
"I'll go on ahead, while you just hang around!"
Why couldn’t the guy make bubbles?
He couldn’t find the right solution.
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!
Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.