The jokes
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
The Milky Way!
What did the boy say to his brother at chemistry class?
"Hey BrO!"
Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the Flash stop dead in his tracks.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
Memes
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple actually gets picked.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!
The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.
EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"
A baby is like another step. You use it just the same as the other steps.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
Yo mama so smelly, she’s even banned from the perfume store!
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod...
SHE MADE THE IPAD!!!!!!!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh f-i-s-h (and the eye).
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
What did the first skeleton say to the second skeleton?
"I only eat food on the right of my plate."
"Are you good at eating?"
"I'm alright at eating."