The jokes
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 120 pounds. ;D
Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?
They have the same hitbox.
Why do tryhards use Fennecs? It looks better than the Octane.
Dad joke.
Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?
Because of a hole in one!
What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?
Lots of fans.
My grief counselor died the other day.
He was so good at his job, I don't even care.
My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.
Why can't orphans cross the street? Because they can't go home.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find their way to the store to see their dad.
Why did LankyboxGamesJustin go to the aquarium?
Because he's gonna dance with aquayyyyrium!
What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
Straw-berries.
Want to see a funny joke? Look in the mirror.
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
What’s black and long?
The Chick-fil-A line.
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
What did the pig say when he was in the sun?
I'm bacon.
If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?
A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.