That jokes

When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.

Your buzz cut is so bad that the bees buzz around it!

Yo mama so fat that when she went on the scale, it showed her phone number.

Yo mama so fat that when Thanos snapped his fingers, she was still there.

Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"

Yo mama is so fat that her belt size is the equator.

Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

Maybe I'm just too old at this point.

What movie do orphans relate to the most?

"Spider-Man: No Way Home." (Either that or Batman.)

You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?

Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.

How do you disappoint people in Africa?

Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.

But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.

"Yo mama's so fat that when she farts, Al Gore accuses her of global warming."

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.

Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.

The creator's son tried that!

(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

So, gender equality is the idea that a woman can do anything a man can, right? That they should be treated the same? So, therefore, if she swings on me, I could punch her into the Twin Towers because of gender equality. I love gender equality.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"

I hope Death is a woman.

That way, it will never come for me.