Yo mama so fat, she was the lead balloon in the Thanksgiving day parade next to Kermit the Frog.
Thanksgiving Jokes
If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.
What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?
"They forgot the stuffing!"
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Why are natives called redskins? Idk, ask the pilgrims 😂
What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!
Why do orphans only have 362 days of the year?
... bc they don’t have Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or Thanksgiving.
Why does an orphan cry on Thanksgiving?
Family gathering.
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
When was the first Black Friday?
1619.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.