My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
Step Jokes
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
Why can't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
'Cause he'd walk up the stairs!
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
Yo mama is so smelly that whenever she steps outside, she pollutes the air!
I like my women thick, so if they aren't over 375 pounds, they're not stepping into my room.
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?
In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.
Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said "Damn!"
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.
The Lego broke in half.
Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.
"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"
So many of these jokes are unoriginal, and you guys need to step up your game.
Why couldn’t the midget talk?
Because someone stepped on him.
