SOS jokes

A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.

The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.

When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.

The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."

The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"

The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"

The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

Why is Donald Trump president?

So he can deport Mexicans to Mexico.

I like my women thick, so if they aren't over 375 pounds, they're not stepping into my room.

Your mama so fat, she filled up Minecraft's block limit! lol XD

Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."

The boy was sexually frustrated that he couldn’t have sex with girls, so he fingered his female cat.

Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of CRACK.

You're so skinny, if you take a bath you look like you're in an ocean. 🛀🏊‍♂️

Okay, I'm so sorry, Alya, and Drew. I didn't mean to say that you guys were stupid and cringy. I mistyped. Can you guys forgive me by any chance? I'm so sorry :(

Yo mama so fat, when she ate one cheeseburger, she pooped it out immediately because her butt was too big.

Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.

Yo forehead is so freaking big, but not bigger than my BBC. 😏

Your forehead is so big a whole state could fit on it.

Why do Vampires like virgins?

Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.

My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked across the floor, she fell through it.

Yo mama so fat, you deported herself.

One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.

Why was the orphan so bad at basketball? He had no encouragement.