SOS jokes
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
I raped a girl and I liked it.
I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.
It felt so wrong, it felt so right.
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
Memes
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
Yo mama so poor that when she went to KFC, she had to lick other people's fingers.
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!
You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!
Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.
Yo mama so ugly, she's only allowed to go out on October 31.
Yo mama is so ugly, she made dirt look like a supermodel.
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
Yo mama so fat the scale said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.
Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.
Why is America so bad at Clash Royale? Because they lost 2 towers.
Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.