My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
When an orphan takes a selfie, it's a family photo.
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
The new pandemic is feminism and all kinds of democratic thinking. COVID is a joke compared to these nasty ass diseases.
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
What are three things you can't give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.
I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.
I'm gonna stop telling rape jokes...
They just seem so forced.
What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini.
Why can't orphans play GTA? Because they're not wanted.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never try to legislate against?
A school shooting.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"
What is one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in the school zone.
Today I was at PE, and I saw a kid in a wheelchair. I threw a basketball at him, and I yelled, "Rocket League!"
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
What’s a pedophile’s favorite band? Kids Bop.
Punch an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why do orphans play GTA?
'Cause they're actually wanted.
