Smart jokes
What is a kid who loves school?
A smart kid.
What is a dog that is awesome? A smart dog.
What is a cow that does magic?
A smart cow.
Why are baby elephants so smart? They hang out with friends!
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
There is a young lady.
She is beautiful.
She got much vote.
But she speaks very fast.
Does she think she looks smart doing that?
She makes me feel bad.
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.
What do you call a smart blonde?
Nonexistent.
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart. I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?
The dinosaur once existed.
You know how Stephen is smart, which class did he skip?
Leg day.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him :)
Q: Where do smart hot dogs end up?
A: The honor roll.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."