Sliminess jokes
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?
Abortion of chips.
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
What's yellow, slimy, and smells like bananas?
Monkey puke.
Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
A. Toothpaste.
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.