Show up jokes
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?
Because it was on strike.
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
What happens to a cannibal who shows up late for dinner? He gets the cold shoulder.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
Yo mama is so slow, they had to wait six hours for the crane to finally show up.
Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?