Sexual Activity jokes

Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

What do they call me when I jack off?

Pulled pork.

What does a baby in a blender look like? I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?

I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

I suck dick.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That's the best I've done so far.

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.