Self-will jokes

What flour do you give an orphan?

Self-raising.

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

American: Self defense.

Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?

Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!

What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).

I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"

What type of flour do orphans use?

- Self-raising.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

Q. What type of flour do orphans get?

A. Self-raising flour.

A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"

So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."

The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"

1. just feeling sad. 2. depression. 3. self harm. 4. suicide.

Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.

After a while, a student stands up.

Teacher: So you think you are stupid?

Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!

What is a self-harm person's favorite game?

Fruit Ninja.

What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.