Self-will jokes

Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"

Wanking.

I made this one up myself just now.

Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.

I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.

Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.

🥫Wewo wewo, stop right now or we will be forced to stop your self.

No, not like you can ketchup!

All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.

I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.

It showed a picture of myself.

Why did the orphan kill himself?

Know the nuclear bombs of the world.

🇷🇺🧨 a “bad” bomb

🇨🇳🧨 “ww3”

🇬🇧🧨 a “good” bomb

🇺🇸🧨 Japanese area testing

🇮🇱🧨 what bomb

🇮🇷🧨 just self defence

Why can’t Sally hang herself?

She does not have arms.

A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancher’s Living-room. There they were having a grand ole time until the Rancher’s wife walks in. The Hunter looks at her and says “that’s a nice piece of ass you got your self there.” The Rancher replied “(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke) You’ve never been so right in your life, honey why don’t show our guest your tits.” She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast. After he gets a good gander he says “Nice.” Then Rancher shouted “show em yer peker now Hon.” She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny, and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his. Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out “What in Sam Hill is that!!” and the Rancher replied “Now....Lemme tell you..There ain’t a thing like it”.

She a hoe, she shit on herself.

I killed myself, then woke up.

Don’t cut yourself up about it.

Yo mama so fat, she's bigger than the universe itself!

What type of flower do you give an orphan?

A self-raising [flour].

What do you call an orphan's family photo?

A self-portrait.

Yourself.

Why can’t orphans have a house pet?

Because its parents have it to itself.

Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?

I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.