Self-defense jokes

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.

Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?

American: Self defense.

Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!

How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.

I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”

Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?

A. By using her equal strength.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

Q: Why did Sally get beat up?

A: She couldn’t fight back.

Why do I carry pepper spray?

Just in case of as-SAULT.