Seduction jokes

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

How to get your woman to come upstairs? Say you are naked.

Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.

Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.

Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.

Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.

Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.

Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.

Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.

Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.

I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.

Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.

Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.

I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.

Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.

Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.

Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.

Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.

Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.

Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.

Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.

I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.

Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.

Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.

Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.

"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"

The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.

Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.