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Same jokes

What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?

There isn't one; they are both the same thing.

At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.

People are like potatoes.

We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.

There are three men walking down the road, and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm, there is a cow, a monkey, and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money, and the farm is going out of business.

One of the men sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest, but the cow is so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle, it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them suggested that they put a cork up the cow's behind. The first guy says, "Okay, then go put a cork there."

"I don't want to do it. You do it."

"No, you do it."

The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it." And the monkey puts the cork in the cow's behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm.

The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of the cow. "Guys, we need to take the cork out of the cow," he says.

"Well, I'm not going to do it. You do it."

"No, you do it."

The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it again." So the monkey uncorks the cow, and there was a huge explosion. A few days later, the three men wake up in the hospital.

The doctor walks up to the first man and asks, "What happened?"

The first man replies, "All I remember is that horrible sound."

The doctor walks up to the second man and asks, "What happened?"

"All I remember is that horrible smell..."

The doctor walks up to the third man and again asks the same question. The third man looks at him and says, "All I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in."

Stop complaining. Pedophile jokes are pretty funny, but to say there are over 100 of them only to have repeats of the same joke told by different people is very disappointing.

  • 1

    • What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

    They never get old.

  • 3

    • So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

    He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

    Why is the Moon red today?

    The reason why the Moon takes on a reddish color during totality is a phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering. It is the same mechanism responsible for causing colorful sunrises and sunsets, and for the sky to look blue.

    What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

    Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?

    Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?

    A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.

    The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.

    Went to my local Indian restaurant and asked the waiter for a chicken tarka Masala.

    The waiter said, "What's that?"

    I said, "It's the same as a tikka, just a little otter."

    The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.

  • 3

    • "Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."

    If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?

    (Stupid People)