1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
Whats yellow and cant swim but screams when it goes under. A school bus full of kids
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
Why can't the orphan play the game of life? They don't know what a family road trip is. 😆
Why did Mom cross the road?
To kill you!
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Why did Ama cross the road?
To find his dad.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
Say "traffic," and replace "r" with "h." It sounds like... that thicc.
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To die on the other side.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to skull.
why did the man cross the road...?
because he wanted to :) :) :)
A guy walks into an AA meeting and asks for a road map.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
