Religion jokes
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
Your hairline is so far back that not even God knows about it.
Ever wonder why pride month is so hot?
It's just a free trial of what's to come for the celebrators...
Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animalsđź‘Źout of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
Me: uses the crucifix.
Rush: Ahahahahahahæanananana!
What's your religion?
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
(Yes, I know God created the rainbow, not Jesus.)