Religion jokes
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"
So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."
They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
Yo mama so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.
From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.
My name shows it all if you can't see, IDC AT ALL, you can ban me.
But let me tell you one thing, Without God, Isr-el is nothing.
So let me say it again, one last time, Free Free Palestine!
Joke time!
Now, Heaven or Hell?
Heaven: we got clouds.
Hell: we got a frickin' private yacht!
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.
POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.
The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.
Yo mama so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out the way.
Yo mama so fat, she the reason why Moses split the Red Sea.