Religion jokes

Why do orphans like to go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

What's the slogan for a Muslim gym?

Might in dynamite.

When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?

Father Les.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

The Virgin Mobile.

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

Where do terrorists go for a drink?

At the Allahu-ak Bar.

HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.

Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.

When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?

You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.

Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."

- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he could call someone Father.

"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.