A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in? Vat-I-Cans !!!
Why were Adam and Eve's sons so much alike? Because Cain was Abel minded!!
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
What do you call a priest that is a furry? A catholic
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
What kind of jeans do you were to church? - Holy jeans
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains so Mohammed said my faith can move sky scrapers
Why did spencer eat cheese. Because he was Jewish
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! he obviously liked being nailed!
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
