A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
Where’s the English Channel?
Johnny: “I don’t know. My television doesn’t pick it up.”
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
What does an apple and an orphan have in common?
One gets picked.
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.
Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.
Kidnapper: ...
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
What is the difference between apples and orphans?........... The apple gets picked.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
Are you the Twin Towers? Cause I'd love to take you out. 🤭
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
