Dad: Son, you're adopted.
Son: Oh wow I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents, your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
How do homeless people move where they're living?
They pick up their box and walk away.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
Ooh! I know a joke!
(Papyrus) What is it?
(Sans) Knock knock!
(Papyrus) Uh... who's there?
(Sans) Sans
(Papyrus) Sans who?
(Sans) SANS IS LAZY!!!!! NOW PICK UP YOUR SOCKS BEFORE I SHOVE MY SPAGHETTI INTO YOUR MOUTH!
(Papyrus)
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.
What did the nose say to the finger?
"Stop picking me!"
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
Pickup line: Are you the internet? 'Cause I feel a connection.
You dropped your toilet paper, right? You want to pick it up, but you can't because you have poop in your butt and it scwoshd! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"
Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"
"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."
"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
Why can’t orphans pick up their phone after school?
Because they need their parents to go pick it up.
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."
We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.
Why shouldn’t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?
... Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.
My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "I've got a bone to pick with you!"
That was a real rib tickler. I've got a skele-TON more of the skele-PUNS!
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.
The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”
