Pessimism jokes

My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.

What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?

A Mexican't.

More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.

Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.

You want a joke? My entire existence.

I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just like hanging in the dark.

Your life (ಥ ͜ʖಥ).

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...

You are not alone.