Pessimism jokes

My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.

What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?

A Mexican't.

Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.

More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.

You want a joke? My entire existence.

I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just like hanging in the dark.

Your life (ಥ ͜ʖಥ).

The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.

Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...

You are not alone.

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.