Parent jokes

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

What do phones and orphans have in common?

They selfie! (It's because they don't have parents.)

What are two things that an orphan can’t have?

Two parents.

David’s parents have three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what’s the name of the third son?

Answer: David.

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?

Because they need parents' signature.

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?

Play pretend dog in the bed.

You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.

The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

Me: "Cya"

Mom: "Where ya going?"

Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."

Mum: ...

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck a plunger down the toilet.

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?

Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.

Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?

Orphan: About 200 years.

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!

How did the blind boy's parents punish him?

Rearrange the furniture.

Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call "daddy."